Friday, April 29, 2011
10:36 PM | 
Posted by
Raymond Sandoval
Yes, it’s that time of year again when everyone yearns for the comeback of that shiny-haired, buffed-up, and oh-so macho-and-brave American mega sleuth, Superman.
It must be a dream to see his red cape bending behind the clouds of economic meltdown, terrorism, and corruption here in RP. If Superman was a Filipino, he would have given those tuxedoed crocodiles and armed guerillas quite a pounding. I imagine him doing that Matrix scene where bullets go swoooosh in slow motion while he dodges easily, feet still on the pavement, then like magic makes those bullets spring back to the enemies. Boom! Pow! Kablam! Abu Sayaff (ASG in short) would be begging for their lives, as if Pinoy Superman was another prophet. He could give those walking crocodiles a whooping too, with one muscular hand grabbing their coated tails then tossing them to a fruit bangketa.
Of course, if Superman was Pinoy, he would probably stand at 5’4”, like a regular Filipino. He would have that slightly tanned look, pug nose, and a lightly built jaw. “Ikaw masamang loob, tumigil ka!” would be his tagline every time he catches a bad guy. And nobody would be calling him Superman here in RP. Perhaps your average kapitbahay would be calling him Superjuan or Superkwan.
Still, it's a good fantasy. If he was here in RP, Superkwan would be the guy who lands in your doorstep even before you open your mouth for help. He will be the man who’ll halt your friend hawking marijuana in church, crunch the limbs of the traffic guy who makes a living out of charging extra on parking tickets, and throws to jail (literally) the bad guys who steal, kill, and find it funny to bully people. He’s omnipresent, always there for anyone anytime, for anything. That’s why he’s Super!
But curb your excitement. No one said Superkwan will be flying to your hometown any time soon. We’re not even sure if there’s actually a superhero out there. No one knows if Superkwan is alive. If he was, he would probably be in a mami store somewhere, talking with friends, unaware he’s actually a superhero. Kwan might just be his ghetto name, invented by his barkada in Tondo.
Superkwan is the perfect remedy to the Pinoys’ flurry of problems. Talk about fast (I mean, faaast, superhero fast) solutions. Where else could a Super Kwan be most useful to Pinoys than when talks of corruption, terrorism, and injustice begin to flood the media canal. When Martial Law tore through RP, Super Kwan could have looked at Marcos’ bulging eyes undauntedly, beaming his Super Laser Eyes furiously across the dictator. It could have all ended in a heartbeat.
Just last week, reporters flashed news that an Italian hostage was released from the hands of the dreaded ASG. He was among the hundreds of unfortunate travelers whom the Abus have taken hostage, also among the lucky few who has grabbed media attention. “I feel free,” he told a reporter when he got released (Way to go Captain Obvious!). But the release was overshadowed and left dry by the A(H1N1) scare and the tawdry Hayden Kho-Katrina Halili sex scandal. Seeing the opportunity and citing the ‘generosity’ of ASG to release Vagni, some senators offered them full amnesty (What?!). The local news also reported RP’s low economic rankings and the sliding satisfaction levels of Pinoy residents toward their government and Gloria (-31% net satisfaction rating to be exact). People felt hot under the collar so a few hours later, they took to the streets; chanting Go-to-hell-Gloria songs and talking trash. When the Congress resolved to favor Charter Change, protesters organized again, this time with a larger army that almost clogged the streets of Makati. When it was disclosed that Gloria had her bust enhanced before becoming a president, unbelievably, like crazy, some protested again, saying the president should have divulged such public information to the curious masses. As if her confession can help RP’s economy. Duh?!
Realistically, only a handful of Pinoys actually remain pro-government, even while most prefer to munch chips on their couches instead of howling on the streets. Heck, not even Superman would be able to stomach the government’s stink. The whole Malacañang has become a sty of wrinkly crocodiles and useless zoo-keepers. Only the swine can tolerate their own kind.
When clouds turn gray as smog, it feels like only a super human being can save RP and its inhabitants from sure suffering and terror. It requires super human guts to challenge the villains of this country. Sure enough, like the Nancy Drew stories your mom always loved, you’ll never get to know who the villains are until you reach the ending. I hope Superkwan lands in my backyard today. Because by the looks of it, RP’s historical chapters aren’t running out any time soon, not with the Pinoys still clueless on whom to point their fingers at, unsure who the real villains are. The riot hasn’t even reached the climax.
Like the protesters on the streets of Makati, Pinoys want someone to accuse, someone to lay blame on for the death grip of poverty and corruption. Like them, Pinoys want to do something sadistic, atrocious, and obscene, but they cannot. They are left powerless to do so, like a cobra desperate to swallow a horse. They are reduced to pleading in the streets for someone to listen to them. As always, and with no doubt, their cries will always fall on deaf ears. They’re fighting a bigger villain, someone not human. What’s left for them to do? If angels don’t come, they ask for Superman (or Superkwan). At least if manna doesn’t fall on earth there’s still someone they can hope for. Bahala na si Batman!
It must be a dream to see his red cape bending behind the clouds of economic meltdown, terrorism, and corruption here in RP. If Superman was a Filipino, he would have given those tuxedoed crocodiles and armed guerillas quite a pounding. I imagine him doing that Matrix scene where bullets go swoooosh in slow motion while he dodges easily, feet still on the pavement, then like magic makes those bullets spring back to the enemies. Boom! Pow! Kablam! Abu Sayaff (ASG in short) would be begging for their lives, as if Pinoy Superman was another prophet. He could give those walking crocodiles a whooping too, with one muscular hand grabbing their coated tails then tossing them to a fruit bangketa.
Of course, if Superman was Pinoy, he would probably stand at 5’4”, like a regular Filipino. He would have that slightly tanned look, pug nose, and a lightly built jaw. “Ikaw masamang loob, tumigil ka!” would be his tagline every time he catches a bad guy. And nobody would be calling him Superman here in RP. Perhaps your average kapitbahay would be calling him Superjuan or Superkwan.
Still, it's a good fantasy. If he was here in RP, Superkwan would be the guy who lands in your doorstep even before you open your mouth for help. He will be the man who’ll halt your friend hawking marijuana in church, crunch the limbs of the traffic guy who makes a living out of charging extra on parking tickets, and throws to jail (literally) the bad guys who steal, kill, and find it funny to bully people. He’s omnipresent, always there for anyone anytime, for anything. That’s why he’s Super!
But curb your excitement. No one said Superkwan will be flying to your hometown any time soon. We’re not even sure if there’s actually a superhero out there. No one knows if Superkwan is alive. If he was, he would probably be in a mami store somewhere, talking with friends, unaware he’s actually a superhero. Kwan might just be his ghetto name, invented by his barkada in Tondo.
Superkwan is the perfect remedy to the Pinoys’ flurry of problems. Talk about fast (I mean, faaast, superhero fast) solutions. Where else could a Super Kwan be most useful to Pinoys than when talks of corruption, terrorism, and injustice begin to flood the media canal. When Martial Law tore through RP, Super Kwan could have looked at Marcos’ bulging eyes undauntedly, beaming his Super Laser Eyes furiously across the dictator. It could have all ended in a heartbeat.
Just last week, reporters flashed news that an Italian hostage was released from the hands of the dreaded ASG. He was among the hundreds of unfortunate travelers whom the Abus have taken hostage, also among the lucky few who has grabbed media attention. “I feel free,” he told a reporter when he got released (Way to go Captain Obvious!). But the release was overshadowed and left dry by the A(H1N1) scare and the tawdry Hayden Kho-Katrina Halili sex scandal. Seeing the opportunity and citing the ‘generosity’ of ASG to release Vagni, some senators offered them full amnesty (What?!). The local news also reported RP’s low economic rankings and the sliding satisfaction levels of Pinoy residents toward their government and Gloria (-31% net satisfaction rating to be exact). People felt hot under the collar so a few hours later, they took to the streets; chanting Go-to-hell-Gloria songs and talking trash. When the Congress resolved to favor Charter Change, protesters organized again, this time with a larger army that almost clogged the streets of Makati. When it was disclosed that Gloria had her bust enhanced before becoming a president, unbelievably, like crazy, some protested again, saying the president should have divulged such public information to the curious masses. As if her confession can help RP’s economy. Duh?!
Realistically, only a handful of Pinoys actually remain pro-government, even while most prefer to munch chips on their couches instead of howling on the streets. Heck, not even Superman would be able to stomach the government’s stink. The whole Malacañang has become a sty of wrinkly crocodiles and useless zoo-keepers. Only the swine can tolerate their own kind.
When clouds turn gray as smog, it feels like only a super human being can save RP and its inhabitants from sure suffering and terror. It requires super human guts to challenge the villains of this country. Sure enough, like the Nancy Drew stories your mom always loved, you’ll never get to know who the villains are until you reach the ending. I hope Superkwan lands in my backyard today. Because by the looks of it, RP’s historical chapters aren’t running out any time soon, not with the Pinoys still clueless on whom to point their fingers at, unsure who the real villains are. The riot hasn’t even reached the climax.
Like the protesters on the streets of Makati, Pinoys want someone to accuse, someone to lay blame on for the death grip of poverty and corruption. Like them, Pinoys want to do something sadistic, atrocious, and obscene, but they cannot. They are left powerless to do so, like a cobra desperate to swallow a horse. They are reduced to pleading in the streets for someone to listen to them. As always, and with no doubt, their cries will always fall on deaf ears. They’re fighting a bigger villain, someone not human. What’s left for them to do? If angels don’t come, they ask for Superman (or Superkwan). At least if manna doesn’t fall on earth there’s still someone they can hope for. Bahala na si Batman!
